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WTF Bodybuilder Vids vs. Crotch Shots

Which makes you sweat?

Weirdest Ice Creams

I scream, you scream.

Christian Bale

Swoop in on his dark, edgy look.

We Want Your Ideas

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Acrobat King

Trickster lives the dream.

Sauna Contest

A battle against perspiration.

Groom Arrested

For violating his restraining order.

Austin Heaviest Drinking City

According to CDC.

Weird Olympics

Strangest events in history.

Michael Phelps Wins

The Olympics.

Space Alien Invasion

Who would you rather have as president?

Tool Master

iPod charger, fridge, and 16 drawers.

Invisibility

One step closer.

Fake Beard

Free of itch.

McCain on Digg

Are supporters burying stories?

Women with Short Torsos, Long Legs Considered Most Attractive

Tuesday 19 August
By Jeremy Taylor

(Our happy hour fact to amaze your drinking buddies with.)

New research has found women with short, curvy torsos and long, slender legs possess the body type most attractive to men.

To conduct the study, a British research team used a high-tech 3-D body scanner to present participants with full-size, color-neutral, headless human forms.

Previous research into preferred body types had relied on building models with measurements from calipers, which are prone to human error and miss important 3-D aspects of size and shape.

The same study found the ideal male form is tall and broad-shouldered with a long torso and short, stout legs. Unfortunately, a rounded, keg-like abdomen did not make the list of desired attributes.

When Superheroes Let Themselves Go

Tuesday 19 August
By Brian Childs

As America's comic book audience ages, you may be wondering what some of our favorite superheroes would look like if they were aging as well.

The good news is you don't have to wonder any longer.

Bam Kapow has taken a look at Gregg Segal's "letting go" themed superhero photos and, spoiler alert, a cigarette-smoking Superman cleaning the toilet is just about the funniest thing you're going to see.

Three superheroes we would not want to see letting themselves go:

-- The Boy Wonder. Some guys start balding as young as 17.

-- Aquaman. He's our rock. If he beached himself, we don't know what we'd do.

-- Underdog. Even a superhero canine could easily get heartworm if he's careless.

Did we miss anything? Let us know in the comments.

Elsewhere in the manly "sack pack" universe today ...

Scooby Snack (Drink of the Week)
The First Rule of the Penis Song (Tasty Booze)
Usain Bolt's World Record Breaking Regimen (FHM)
Bloc Party Mercury (Afrojacks)
Little Drummer Cat (Uber)
Jaeger LeCoultre Watch Unlocks Your Aston Martin (Switched)
Spookyville 2 (WeakGame)

Strip Club Patron Tips with Fake Money

Tuesday 19 August
By Emily McCombs

Just when you thought gentlemen's clubs might be worthy of that classy moniker, a couple of Arizona dudes come along and ruin it for all of us.

Scottsdale police say James Johnson, 25, recently paid his bill at the Skin Cabaret strip club with $500 in counterfeit money. Later, when Johnson returned to the scene of the crime loaded with more dubious dough, workers remembered the G-string grifter and called police.

Johnson's arrest eventually led to the capture of his buddy, 38-year-old Shannon Daugherty. A search of Daugherty's home and car revealed $6,000 in fake bills and printing materials, a .22-caliber handgun and a small amount of marijuana. It's unclear whether the court will be lenient, considering he was shackled with the name "Shannon Daugherty."

Mr. "90210" claims he didn't use his counterfeit money, but instead gave it to others. However, the dancers at Skin Cabaret -- whose skillful lap dances went unrewarded -- probably don't see him as all that altruistic.

Olympic Opera Sneakers Both Symbolic and Stylish

Tuesday 19 August
By G. Xavier Robillard

Just in time for the Beijing Olympics, New Balance has developed the 576 China Mask, a set of limited edition running shoes based on characters from Chinese opera. Wait! Don't let "opera" drive you from the room. These designs are extremely cool.

Each shoe design represents different characters and will make your Air Jordans feel like they need to get plastic surgery. For instance, Chou, the red shoe, is crafty and cunning, which means it's probably going to medal. The green shoe, Mo, symbolizes maturity and honesty, making it the polar opposite of Chinese authorities who keep telling us their gymnasts are 16 years old.

The kicks are available at Asian retailers on August 23 or as knockoffs at markets all across Beijing.

Conan Breaks Down McCain's VP Options

Tuesday 19 August
By Brian Childs

If you are at all like us, you've been toggling back and forth between the Olympics and hard-hitting political shows, speculating on who the presidential candidates will choose as their running mates. And by hard-hitting political shows, what we really mean is Conan. And by speculating, we mean making jokes.

Get a Bartender's Attention and Keep the Drinks Flowing

Tuesday 19 August
By Asylum Staff

Few experiences are more frustrating than standing in a crowded bar, being repeatedly looked over and ignored by a bartender with an inflated sense of self-importance. Worse than making you feel insignificant and powerless, the activity extends sober time.

That's why -- with the help of Olie Berlic, chief mixologist at SideBar in New York -- we've come up with some effective ways to get noticed when you need to get your drink on. Berlic claims that a good bartender will have their eyes peeled and will already have a hunch about upcoming orders. Still, he says, it never hurts to:

1. Send the most attractive person at your table to get the drinks. If you come with a beautiful woman -- or guy -- it's never going to hurt to have them order. Even if a bartender is super busy, it can be hard not to do a double take when the right face is in front of you. A memorable look will bring a bartender your way and remind them when you've been there awhile, so put that hot friend to work.

2. Be confident, not pushy. Imagine people are waving and yelling at you all night. You'd probably try to ignore the overly aggressive folks for your own sanity. That's why throwing money doesn't work and neither does snapping your fingers or whistling. Take out a 20 or your credit card, put out your arm and look at them directly. Berlic stresses making eye contact. And even if you are annoyed, try not to look it -- nobody wants to serve a scowl.

More cocktail-acquiring tips after the jump.

Raccoon Infestation Bad for Homeowner, Hilarious for Viewer

Tuesday 19 August
By Asylum Staff

Birds, rodents and insects can do some serious damage if they decide to take up residence in your house. Whether the intruders are spreading droppings or dying and leaving an odor, it's no fun to have an infestation. Then again, if you happen to capture your houseguest on video, it can be compelling viewing, especially if the invading creature has some serious character like the little guy in this clip.

Kardashian Dances with the Pussycats; Who's Phelps Dating?

Tuesday 19 August
By Nicholas Nadel

(Our round-up of celeb gossip so you can keep up with your girlfriend.)

Kim Kardashian performed with the Pussycat Dolls in Vegas. (Derober)

Michael Phelps could be dating either Amanda Beard or model Lily Donaldson. (Perez Hilton)

Christina Applegat
e is cancer-free. (TMZ)

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt plan to marry on live TV. (OK! Magazine)

Isla Fisher performed a handstand while on the beach with Sacha Baron Cohen. (Ninja Dude)

Avril Lavigne may have to cancel her show in Malaysia for being too sexy. (Celeb Parasite)

Roseanne lashed out at Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie on her blog. (Popeater)